Tuesday, March 15, 2011

God Of War 3 Review

THIS REVIEW IS NSFW! AS THERE IS SOME NUDITY
(NOT SAFE FOR WORK)



God of War 3 is the Climatic sequel to the God Of War series. Yet again the player picks up as Kratos, the ex God Of War after recruiting the Titans to take revenge on Zeus and the rest of Mount Olympus.
This was the first of the God Of War series I ever played. To put it simply, I was blown away. The opening scene we see as the various Gods fly down to confront the Titans and Kratos. Miniscule items recieved a really good graphical touch with lighting from the cracks of the bark in Gaia, to the flames of Helios. Being a big fan of Greek mythology thanks to "Age of Mythology" I loved recognizing all the various characters. The proper game opens up with you being put through the paces of combat. I loved swinging around 2 giant swords with chains on them slaughtering large groups of skeletal zombies. There was one thing I noticed and that was the music played a small bit to it. I personally can't recall any big pieces because none stood out from the sounds of my Semi Naked Spartan. This was my opinion of the game...for the first 25 minutes.

The novelty of the graphics ran out soon and stayed that way for the majority of the game. If I wanted a game with incredibly detailed dark caves I'd just go and get Red Faction Armagedon when it comes out. After the opening scenes the majority of this game is spent either in caves or building. The story was informative and good. This was my first God Of War game so I had no prior knowledge of what happened. The game filled me in quite quickly. The campaigns story did go on moderatly well, not an oscar movie but not a Chuck Lorre comedy either (Two and a half men ( I hate that show)). I loved the boss fights, each one unique. Some surprised me, Hercules especially as his arms are as big as fucking cows.

One thing didn't sit well with me. That was the ridiculous amount of fucked up pornography in it. Don't get me wrong, I'm a straight guy who is proud of being straight but it gets really fucked up. The first I noticed of it was when you kill the medusa warriors. You jump on their back, pull on their snake hair and try and rip off their heads. All the time they are screaming and... you guessed it (or you probably didn't because of how messed up it was) a big ol' pair of reptillian titties swinging all around the place. But oh know it didn't stop there. Various genitaelea were exposed throughout the game. Human nakedness in the form of Poseidens prositute ( Who you rip their arms off) is topless and a few minutes later came the nuclear bomb of fucked up-ed ness was revealed. You meet with the one God, who you don't try and kill, Aphrodite, The God of Sex and pleasure who has 2 great personal assests if you catch my drift. This wasn't all oh no. The creators had to turn it into a sex minigame. You must press buttons, wiggle or shift analog sticks in order to pleasure the godess all the while hearing some graphic noises as you don't get to see anything they do. You do however get to see two of Aphrodites chamber girls, who of course, also boast 2 big assets each and appear not to have heard of Underwear.

Now I think i've talked enough about breasts. The combos, while gory and extravagent, quickly grow boring. Although you are awarded with new weapons and accessories they all follow the same combos and are just boring. When my friend told he completed this game in 6 hours I thought he was over-reacting. Turns out he wasn't as I easily matched this speed and there's no extra things (Not really anyway) to do afterwards.

In conclusion; This game could've been a great game but they seemed to lose heart half the way through especially the end was boring.
OVERALL SCORE = 5/10
Good stuff
  • +This game had great graphics
  • +Story was informative and moderatly good for the majority of the game

Bad Sturf
  • -This game was made by sex addicted freaks, I don't know about you but I don't like big reptillian titties swinging into my face.
  • - Combos are WAY too boring.
  • -Wavered toward the end
  • Music was awful and none stood out at all

5 comments:

Major.Mack said...

i tried a demo of this and didnt like it. I think I may have to try it again thoughj

Theusualtype said...

It's an Alright game but I wouldn't shell out more than €15-€20 over it

Blake said...

I played it aswell towards the end of the year, and enjoyed it but was never taken in by the hype. I mean its still a fun play...but I never felt I was blown away by it....unless you count boobies?!?..are we counting boobies?!

Theusualtype said...

As I said i'm a hot blooded male so the Boobies were good... apart from when Medusa's were on the screen.

Anonymous said...

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